It’s been a long time coming, and finally that state of happiness arrived in my life. Before, I used to think that if only I have a relationship with a guy, I will become happy. Now, I realized that even if I was in a relationship, I will never be happy if I am not practicing contentment for whatever it is that I have in my life as of the moment. I was always looking back at the past, now I stay focused on what’s in my present. Even though I may be single, I try to become happy of who are in my life – my family/ friends/ loved ones – and I become hopeful and expectant of God’s blessings in my life. But it wasn’t an easy ride. It was seven years in the making, it involved experimentation and a whole lot of faith.
When I came here to Canada, I had absolutely no clue what was going to happen to me. As I am reminiscing my early months in this what seemed to be a foreign land at that time, I realized I was hopeful but naive. Coming from a place where a lot of people knew me since childhood (and I knew a lot of people as well) to living in a city where you have to mingle with strangers using a language that is familiar but still foreign, it was a big jump. And I wasn’t ready for that leap as what I thought I would be. And that resulted to what people have known me as now – that girl living with anxiety and depression.
If I could go back and try to change what happened to me, I wouldn’t go back anyway. You know why? Because even if circumstances happened and it resulted into what seems to be a negative thing – this anxiety and depression – I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because those seasons where I was in a dark place made me who I am today. And to be honest I am proud of who I am right now, yes, even though I am living with this condition.
I could tell you my backstory, but it will be so long. I’ll save it for another time. But the gist of my story is this: no matter how many times you have been beaten up by life, you will always win victoriously with God on your side. Victory may not be superficial, it may be low key as well. For example, I may not be popular, recognized with a lot of awards, or wealthy (as what the world wants you to think about as the definition of success) but I am Christ-driven, a loving daughter/ friend, and most importantly I have Jesus. He’s all I need. And that’s the secret, friends, to happiness. It’s knowing your identity in Christ. It’s not a boyfriend or a girlfriend, not a status in life if you are earning a lot or earning little, it’s not popularity even if you have a strong support system at the end of the day, it’s your life not theirs. You only have one life to live, why not live it to glorify and expand His kingdom? And that’s exactly what I am doing right now.
I’m not blessed because of what I can do but what God can do through me.
I’m at my happiest right now, all thanks to my new found joy in Christ.